rants

I’m here…

When you feel like every relationship you’ll ever have is doomed because you’ll never find another person who will love you. This passage gives me hope that the right person is out there and he will be there for me.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

Oh, it’s okay, I say. I‘m totally fine on my own and I don’t need a man or anyone to show up for me.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

Well everyone else left, I say, not because it was time: they left because it got hard, or scary or too much: so why would you be any different?

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

But I‘m not perfect, I say. I think I look really weird in side profile, and my belly is getting these strange lines and my teeth are getting yellow from all that coffee and my neck might be sagging.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

I got sexually abused as a kid, I say. And it’s not pretty, it’s not romantic like in the films where you just cry a bit and it goes away – it makes me lash out sometimes and shut down and do things I don’t totally understand.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

Sometimes I‘ll emasculate you, I say, I won’t mean too, but I‘ll totally do it ’cause that’s what I learned. I don’t even mean it, but it will hurt.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

I‘ve got a wall around my heart, I say, ’cause my Dad left and so did my first love and that guy I thought was my soulmate. Sometimes I‘ll think I don’t love you or anyone or myself, but that’s just ’cause everyone I loved left.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

I‘m not falling for it, I say. Everyone knows that long-term relationships don’t last and everyone cheats and it’s better to just be free and wild and do what you want.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

There are better women out there, I say. Ones who don’t pick fights and don’t go crazy and stop when you ask them too.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

I‘m gonna be powerful, I say. I‘m gonna be brilliant and big and I‘m not dimming my light for anyone, especially not you, and I‘ve been told that men fear powerful women.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

I‘m going to keep evolving, I say, like at the speed of light. I‘m going to love myself completely and know divinity in my bones and I‘m not stopping for anyone.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

Well. Shit, I say, fresh out of excuses.

…”I want to love you for all you are as a man,” I say, “and bring out the best in you and accept all of you and show up for you and love you like you‘ve never known and inspire your genius and your authenticity and your heart and your desire through our lives together.”

Yeah, he says, that’s why I‘m here.

“Okay,” I say.” Can we be even brighter and more amazing and incredible together than we ever could be alone, and yet still retain our individual freedom and essence?”

Yes, he says, that’s what love is.

Then, I‘m here, I say, I love you and I‘m here.

Me too, he says.

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