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My Hiatus and My Biggest Fear

January 24, 2015 Evelyn Loh

So I took a 2-month break from blogging (not that I did very often or that I did for very long) in order to straighten my head out. I took some time off to travel and I took a yoga teacher training course and went home for a while.

This was the second time I’ve quit my job within a span of a year and both on different grounds.

The first time I left my job was on good terms with the company. My boss, bless his immigrant heart, understood that I wanted to temporarily leave Canada and head home to start a business in Malaysia. At least for two or three years. However, after spending some time home, I realize that the country I grew up in has changed drastically and so have I. Racial tension in Malaysia seemed to reach an all time high and politicians were banning the Ultraman TV show because Ultraman threatened Allah. Non-Muslims were forbidden to even use the term “Allah.” All in all, I decided I could not move home as originally intended due to this and many other factors…at least not now. I met with potential business partners but was constantly perturbed by the Malaysian kan cheong (fearful/nervous) mentality more than I hoped. Everyone around me seemed more worried about my future more than I was, that eventually my North American positivity began to dim. I started doubting the startup and myself a lot. So much so, that once I got back to Canada, I completely dismissed the idea.

Months passed by and I gave in to that kan cheong mentality and got a job. I thought that I could work full time and generate more savings while still figuring out what I need to do to accomplish my goal. So I started working again and I went full force working evenings and weekends, proving myself to the company. And yet I faced the same issues I did at my previous job: stress, crazy deadlines and no appreciation. My initial friendly demeanour had been the target of being bullied again at work by higher ups. Not long after, I began to stand up for myself at work and refused to work overtime week after week so that I did not create a trend. At the same time, the company was losing money and management was under duress. Shouting matches ensued in the office between the CEO and his team and the environment became completely hostile. Naturally, I thought about quitting a lot, which I eventually did on the spot. And amazingly enough, yet not completely unexpected, two colleagues walked out the door the same day, with the company losing 3 valuable individuals that day. And that’s how I left my second job.

Now, I’m back at trying to do something more meaningful in life.

Of course the fears are still at bay. I’m afraid of losing all my savings, I’m afraid I’ll become unmotivated and lose momentum, I’m afraid I’ll be a failure, I’m afraid my relationships will suffer, I’m afraid of a lot of things and a lot of the time but my biggest fear out of all of this is that I’ll regret never trying to accomplish anything. And that is what keeps me going.

rants, uncategorized

The Best Part About Thanksgiving

October 13, 2014November 10, 2014 Evelyn Loh

We celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday and it was great.

We put a lot of work in the preparation in the days before…cleaning the house, putting away junk, cooking, then more cleaning, but it paid of…and is still paying off.

We ate like kings last night and now I get to enjoy the best part, well my favourite part at least. Which is doing absolutely nothing in a great looking house and eating delicious leftovers all day long!

I had turkey dinner for breakfast and lunch, and pumpkin soup for dinner. JR, the sweet tooth, is working through the desserts, especially the pumpkin pie.

We also enjoy weighing ourselves to see how much we gained in what I like to call “turkey weight.” We both gained 5 pounds. I’m already thinking of what outfit is comfortable enough to vegetate in at work tomorrow.

Sure, seeing family and friends is great. But I’m pretty sure I’m not alone when I say, the continuous eating is my favourite part about Thanksgiving. Don’t get me wrong, I eat normal amounts during my daily life. But I’m usually on-the-go when it comes to meals. And if I do sit down for more than an hour, it’s at the table at some restaurant in business casual attire.

So let me rephrase that. My favourite part about Thanksgiving (or any festive celebration) is the day after, where I get to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, in the privacy of my own home, in my pajamas and not have a care in the world. Because that is pure happiness in a bottle.

rants, uncategorized

Why Work Overtime?

October 3, 2014November 10, 2014 Evelyn Loh

So I started my new desk job last week and I spent all of last weekend working on a document that my boss only looked at for 30 seconds.

And the worst part of it is? I’m doing it all over again this weekend.

Ahh, back to the working life.

I’m a strong supporter of doing work at work and only working overtime when it is necessary.

Part of why I’m working overtime is because I really enjoy doing graphic design (and can’t believe I’m getting paid for it). The other part is because I had a 9-month hiatus from my previous desk job, so it’s like I had a nice long vacation and feeling recharged but more importantly, I could use that extra cash…BUT I still sleep when I need to and I wouldn’t care if they got mad if I didn’t finish it for Monday.

I am just that kind of person, the kind who has never been afraid of losing their job – which might not be such a good thing. But I’ve learnt that when I work overtime, I am the one who is doing the the company a favour and if they can’t see that, then I don’t want to work for that kind of company anyway.

If you struggle with this, then, in the words of Oprah, “You need to know your worth.”

Loyalty Needs to Be A Two Way Street, Even with Companies

I’m a loyal person. I used to think that I would do my very, very best and then the company will see my value, reward me, maybe give me a raise or a promotion, and maybe I’ll be a shareholder someday, then I’ll be rich and everything will be great…

But now, with some experience under my belt, I know that THAT is entirely BS.

I’ve seen old-timer employees that have stuck around for decades and work harder than anyone else, but they are never compensated enough for it. They get some perks here and there…but usually there’s some newcomer that’s lazy and a horrible waste of air that is being rewarded ten-fold more in salary and position. All because the newcomer asks or demands for it, and the old-timer did not.

So my theory is, do your best in what you can, but never burn yourself out for the “possibility of getting a raise or a promotion.”

The reality of it is, your boss probably thinks of you as an investment and expects you bring him many happy returns. And you think of your company an investment for your future and your career (if you don’t already think that, you need to start thinking like that) So they need you as much as you need them, probably more.

Remember, there are two sides that are investing simultaneously: one side invests money (pays you your salary) and the other, invests time (i.e. you working weekdays from 8-5). Since you can always make more money, but you can never buy more time, I’d say your investment priorities trumps theirs. So let them make the first move by rewarding you and then, you return the favour.

However, if your company has already proven that they value you as much as you value them, then go right ahead and help them out. But do it because you want to do it. Risking your mental and physical health for a company that doesn’t value you is NOT the way to go.

Ultimately, you will know what the best decision is, but if you feel that there is injustice and people are just using you, trust your gut. Those feelings do not come out of nowhere.

And if ya need the money like me, then why not?