I’m here…

When you feel like every relationship you’ll ever have is doomed because you’ll never find another person who will love you. This passage gives me hope that the right person is out there and he will be there for me.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

Oh, it’s okay, I say. I‘m totally fine on my own and I don’t need a man or anyone to show up for me.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

Well everyone else left, I say, not because it was time: they left because it got hard, or scary or too much: so why would you be any different?

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

But I‘m not perfect, I say. I think I look really weird in side profile, and my belly is getting these strange lines and my teeth are getting yellow from all that coffee and my neck might be sagging.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

I got sexually abused as a kid, I say. And it’s not pretty, it’s not romantic like in the films where you just cry a bit and it goes away – it makes me lash out sometimes and shut down and do things I don’t totally understand.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

Sometimes I‘ll emasculate you, I say, I won’t mean too, but I‘ll totally do it ’cause that’s what I learned. I don’t even mean it, but it will hurt.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

I‘ve got a wall around my heart, I say, ’cause my Dad left and so did my first love and that guy I thought was my soulmate. Sometimes I‘ll think I don’t love you or anyone or myself, but that’s just ’cause everyone I loved left.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

I‘m not falling for it, I say. Everyone knows that long-term relationships don’t last and everyone cheats and it’s better to just be free and wild and do what you want.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

There are better women out there, I say. Ones who don’t pick fights and don’t go crazy and stop when you ask them too.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

I‘m gonna be powerful, I say. I‘m gonna be brilliant and big and I‘m not dimming my light for anyone, especially not you, and I‘ve been told that men fear powerful women.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

I‘m going to keep evolving, I say, like at the speed of light. I‘m going to love myself completely and know divinity in my bones and I‘m not stopping for anyone.

I‘m here,” he says, “I love you and I‘m here.”

Well. Shit, I say, fresh out of excuses.

…”I want to love you for all you are as a man,” I say, “and bring out the best in you and accept all of you and show up for you and love you like you‘ve never known and inspire your genius and your authenticity and your heart and your desire through our lives together.”

Yeah, he says, that’s why I‘m here.

“Okay,” I say.” Can we be even brighter and more amazing and incredible together than we ever could be alone, and yet still retain our individual freedom and essence?”

Yes, he says, that’s what love is.

Then, I‘m here, I say, I love you and I‘m here.

Me too, he says.


Book event and some ponderings…

I went to Chris Guillebeau’s book tour event tonight where he is promoting his new book Born For This: How to Find the Work You Were Meant to Do.

I’ve been a fan of Chris’ work for a few years now. When I first quit my job a couple of years ago, I would go to the bookstore to pass time when I wasn’t hustlin’ for money. Plus, bookstores smell a lot better than libraries.

While I was strolling down the business aisle, looking through the very boring proper looking business books, the front cover of Chris’ book stood out.

The title was The $100 Startup and it had a picture of bicycle and a bag of money in the back.

It struck a chord with me. I loved it.

I loved that it was a bicycle and not a sports car. It was romantic. Book cover judged. I read the author’s bio, “Chris has traveled to every country in the world before his 35th birthday…” and I remember thinking, whoa that’s a lot of countries, who is this guy? I like him already.

I read the entire book there in Chapters in a couple of hours. The book covered the lives of people doing what they loved, quitting jobs, hustlin’, traveling and everything I was into. And ever since that day, I was a fan.

It was exactly what I needed to hear at that time in my life after quitting my job and heading into the unknown.

That was a few years back… who would have thought Chris would tell me what I needed to hear again at this time in my life.

Tonight, he spoke about mistakes. Even though, his talk concerned entrepreneurship, it applied to everything in my life right now. Mistakes are lessons that will help you make better choices for the future. Mistakes teach you about who you are. Mistakes do not define you, they refine you.

Thanks, Chris.

After the talk was over, there were some activities downstairs to partake in. One of them was a letter writing table, where they provided cards, envelopes, pens and other cute stationery to write letters. It was a huge hit and people flocked to it.

I made up a few cards to some loved ones and then I made one for myself.

It was the only card that was completely blank inside and outside. No one wanted it but me. I liked the emptiness of it, its readiness to be filled. I ended up taping a whole bunch of quotes on the inside and then finally decided that I wanted to put one on the front too.

It will rest by my bed tonight.



10 paintings worth millions of dollars that you could probably make yourself…

I’m feeling a little art history today. So, I thought I’d go over some abstract art stuff. When I was in art college, all too often I’ve heard people ask me what the meaning is behind abstract art.

Phrases such as, “I could paint that” or worse yet, “My 5-year-old could paint that” are deemed ignorant to the art community. And despite being an artist myself and having been provided the tools to understand abstract art, I don’t know which side I’m on.

I love it and think the world needs it. But I also absolutely hate it as well.

I appreciate the concepts and its visual interest, but I absolutely despise the unimaginable price tags that go along with some of this shit these paintings.

Here are 10 very expensive masterpieces that you would never be able to afford but you could probably copy on a weekend and hang up in your living room.

1. Piet Mondrian – Composition C, 1929
     Worth: $50-million

piet mondrian

First on the list is this colorful piece that will add play and cheer to your living room. To master the Mondrian, you will need a lot of painter’s tape. The primary colors of red, blue and yellow (if you have forgotten) are structured carefully in jail-like cells and serves as a commentary on Mondrian’s view of society. Which could mean segregation of different classes and perhaps even a commentary on the segregation of race, which would explain all the white in the painting. I would say give it 3 hours tops.

2. Barnett Newman – Onement VI, 1952
Worth: $43-million

Barnett newman Onement vi.png

My art history teacher would reject that I was ever his student if he came across this article. He was completely in love with this painting and what it represents. Okay, I get it, Onement is such a cool concept – the one painting to rule them all. But in my opinion, it is kind of ironic that you name a painting Onement and you make six of them. The hardest foreseeable part in recreating this painting to me is getting line really straight from the top to the bottom on the canvas, which is supposed to represent a zipper by the way, go figure.

3. Pablo Picasso – Le Rêve, 1932
Worth: $139-million

le reve
Ah, now we’re getting serious. Pablo Picasso, one of the most revered artist geniuses of our time. La Rêve was once part of casino mogul Steve Wynn’s private collection and he had agreed to sell it to Steven Cohen. Whilst showing it off, he accidentally drove his elbow through it, damaging the painting. After the painting was repaired for $90,000, and following a series of undisclosed private meetings, Wynn sold the painting to Cohen as planned. Even after being damaged and repaired, Le Rêve is reportedly the most expensive Picasso painting ever sold at 139-million dollars. You will need to take your time in recreating your own copy of this. But imagine how worth it will be when you tell your friends the interesting story behind it and show off your knowledge of the arts.

4. Mark Rothko – No. 17, 1957
Worth: $30-million

Mark Rothko no.13

Mark Rothko is famous for painting imperfect rectangles. Obtaining that right amount of dry brushing will prove to be the difficult in copying this painting. The peaceful, harmonic colors of Rothko’s work would definitely add visual interest to your living room or bedroom, and it would be worth the 1 to 2 hours you spend on it. Once you have mastered dry brushing No.17, you may advance your skills and try your hand at copying Orange, Red, Yellow (valued at 86-million dollars).

5. Jackson Pollock – No 5, 1948, or any of the Pollock paintings really
Worth: $140-million

jackson pollocknumber-5

Whenever I saw movies of this guy paint in art school, I got the shivers. But then again, seeing someone frantically splashing and dribbling paint everywhere like a madmen would do that to just about anyone. Also, his name Jackson Pollock sounds like a character from a horror story – e.g. Jack-the-Ripper, Mad Max and Jackson Pollock. All jokes aside, his paintings would be tricky to copy as it would be most likely impossible to get paint to drip the same way.

6.  Josef Albers – Homage to the Square: White Nimbus, 1959
Worth: $2.2-million

josef albers

I really like the title White Nimbus. Albers does a whole bunch of these. He must really like squares; you could even say that he is obsessed. Maybe he was teased for being a square a little too much that he decided he would play a horrible joke on the world about it by creating these paintings one after another of squares within squares, within squares. Only, it wasn’t a joke and his paintings are worth a lot more than my life insurance would ever pay out if I were to die. Okay, I lied, I don’t have life insurance because it costs too much, but if I did (!) they wouldn’t pay that much for my life because apparently my life is worth less than this painting of squares. Wow, what a realization.

7. Kenneth Noland – Circle, 1958
Worth: $2.1-million

kenneth noland circlel

Here’s a painting of circles, worth $2.1-million dollars. *facepalm*

8. William de Kooning – Interchange, 1955
Worth: $300-MILLION (what does that even mean?!)

william de kooning interchange

It would be a crime to leave this painting out of the list. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce the most expensive painting ever sold to date. At 300-million (yes, you read that right), Dutch painter William de Kooning’s Interchange was sold to hedge fund manager Ken Griffith in September 2015. De Kooning’s work is highly revered in the art world for the ideology and commentary behind it, which I can honestly say after years of art history classes – I think it’s something about movement and lots of feeling. It will be tricky to get the smudged oil painterly look on this one, so I suggest using crayons and a hairdryer. Just get creative with it. I’m sure de Kooning’s expressive spirit will be pleased.

9. Wassily Kandinsky – Schluss (Conclusion)
Worth: 1-million

wassily kandinsky

I like this one. It reminds me of Pink Flloyd’s album cover from The Dark Side of The Moon for some reason. Circles, squares and a badass title – what more could you want from an abstract expressionist? Russian artist Kandinsky was a spiritual man, with a philosopher’s heart. As a result, he thought a lot about colors and shapes and what they meant. Pyramids meant the spirituality of man, and yellow is a terrestrial color. If you have the time to read up on it, some of his ideology behind it, is pretty interesting.

10. Yves Klein – Untitled Blue Monochrome, 1956
Worth: $3-million

yves klein

If all else fails, and you really can’t draw a straight line to save your life and you are really just that artistically challenged, do what Yves Klein did. Just paint the whole darn thing blue, and don’t even bother giving it a title. Honestly, the title Untitled Blue Monochrome is really just synonymous with Blue Blob. He must have really wanted to show that he didn’t care – must be a French minimalist thing.